philosophical?

so, i've been thinking. about stuff from church on sunday. and, in general, about how i act in my 'non-church' life. meaning, at school. most people that i know at school know that i'm a christian, and they seem to respect me for that. and i am comfortable with that. i'm happy to just think that it is good enough that i have told them i'm a christian, and leave it at that. but i think that being a christian means so much more than that. it means getting off our butts and actually doing something about life. doing something about all of the people that we know and care about who aren't 'going to heaven'. if we say we truly love God and truly love the people He created, how can we watch them slip away. i think it was wes who mentioned on sunday that Jesus asked peter if he loved him 3 times. but it didn't stop there. Jesus said "if you do, feed my sheep". meaning, get out of your comfort zones and do something about this love that you profess. i then went on to think about love some more. when you love someone, you want to tell people (or so i'm told). you don't just let that feeling sit inside you. you tell people, especially the one you love. you do things to prove your love. i know i'm babbling, but it's been on my mind all day. i was getting so comfortable with how my life was going. but then i realized that i'm doing nothing, or very litte, to 'feed His sheep'. it was a challenge to me, especially with my school people.

Jason Upton, a musical artist guy, has a song with some lyrics that i really like:

"somebody here is hurting
somebody here is broken
somebody here is waiting
somebody here is hoping
for love to come unlock every door
it takes you and me to open up once more
and learn to trust again

somebody here is searching
somebody's dreams were stolen
somebody's arms are reaching
somebody needs to hold them
for love to come unlock every door
it takes you and me to open up once more
and learn to trust again

i don't know where you come from
i don't know where you're going
i only know the healing starts when we all stop running"

i think this is pretty much applicable to every situation we may find ourselves in. things aren't going to happen unless we start them. we can't sit around waiting for change. we need to do it.

two hours of sleep

why and how am i still awake??
mostly i've decided that i overthink movies way too much. it doesnt' help when you watch 2 scaryish movies in one night either. so we watched "the ring" last night. creepy. mostly it made me wonder why people do the things they do. the world can be a pretty messed up place. after finishing the movie last night, i came home to bed and lay there for an hour thinking about alot of stuff. including a well below my bed (thanks a bunch wes), blue burning bushes, and people' s head falling off. it's funny and amazing at the same time what a tired yet creeped out brain can do in the wee hours of the night.
so i then woke up 2 hours later to go to work. i'm surprised i didn't fall asleep. although there are parts of the morning that i don't remember really clearly. ah well.
and now i'm going to have a nap. we get an extra hour tonight :D

raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens...

well, i wish that i could write about something exciting. but it's been a normal boring week. school is good and busy. more work than i thought it would be, but it keeps me out of trouble, so that's good. work is work. i never feel like i'm really working cause i like being there. especially when i get to cut stuff up :D. sorry if you are eating while reading this.
so i started thinking about the little things in life that make me happy. like having music in my car...finally. i was only without it for a week, but i really missed it. i love good music. thanks to gail, my music horizons are broadening.
i really like sunny days. but i love rain too.
i like meeting new people and actually getting along with them. for one of my classes at school, you are put with 20 other people and you spend about 6 hours with them twice a week just discussing stuff. so you have to know them pretty well. i got put into a new group on wednesday, and i was really nervous about it. but it went really well.
i like hanging out with friends. a good rook or poker game. and occassionally a good scary movie. when i actually get into it and nearly jump into my neighbor's lap (thanks again gail).
i like knowing that i have a purpose in life, even if i don't know that purpose yet. just knowing that i am here for a reason.
i love puppies, and i love a good picture. i love it how pictures can bring back so many memories. a thousand words, as they say.
well, that's it for now. i recommend thinking about things that make you feel better. it helps. we are truly blessed and we rarely remember that. signing out.

from summer to winter

we had fairly awesome lawn ornaments for a few days. my sister's and my cars had to be off the road because of lack of insurance, but their winter home wasn't quite ready yet. so they got to be our decorations for a few days. much to my mother's delight. things like this don't happen to normal families, do they? :)


my "new" car for the winter has many names. the "piece" the general lee, the rebel, the orange jetta. whatever works for you. as much as i like to make fun of it, i'm really enjoying driving it. i mostly like the reactions i get when people see my car and expect some guy to be driving it, then there i am, a girl, and barely able to see over the steering wheel. ahh, life is so ironic. i think i'll have lots of fun.

in other news, i got to talk to my brother for a little while on the phone tonight. he is doing well. tired. he said to say hi to all you people around here who know him. he is missing being here, but excited to finally be in what he calls the "real africa". he mentioned walking along a river and having to think twice about how close he got because there might be crocadiles in it. i think it excited him more than anything else.

again, i can't believe how fast this weekend went. another long week to get through. here we go. hang in there.

the journey

so i was thinking about life today. i tend to do that sometimes. and i was reading my journal from a few months ago. i had written a line something like "let the journey become the destination".

now for an explaination for those of you who might not think the same way as me. i find that most of my life is spent looking foward to a goal i've set somewhere in the future. like the weekend, or christmas vacation, next summer or even when in "grow up". and sometimes i get so wrapped up in getting to that goal, that i forget that life is going on around me, all the time. i can get so focused on one thing that i am looking foward to that i miss out on so much happening right now. it was just a reminder to me that we don't always have to live for some event in the vague future. our destination can be a part of the journey that we find ourselves on each day.

so if that sounds crazy, i'm going to blame it on lack of sleep. i should be in bed right now, but i'm not. go figure.

i was also looking through pictures today and found this one. it is one of my favorites, mostly because it is a picture of the "reel me". groan. if you didn't catch it, it's a picture of my reflection in my fishing reel. i know i've been hanging out too much with my dad when i start making such jokes. sorry.

family

family....sometimes you can't live with them and you can't live without them.

your family has seen you at your worst and at your best. they have been pretty much everywhere that you have been...at least for your growing up years. and they have shared more life experiences with you than you can remember.

for me, my family has been my constant. no matter how many houses or countries i lived in, no matter how many friends i had to say goodbye to, no matter how many climates i had to get used to....my family was always there to go through it with me.

sometimes we don't realize the blessings that are right in front of us. and sometimes it takes those people going away before we see how much they mean to us. right now, i'm wishing that i could give my brother a hug. but i can't. and i'm wishing i had done more hugging while he was around. i guess what i'm trying to say is, if you can, go hug a sibling. let them know that you care about them. i think that God made parents to nurture, love and teach us, friends to laugh and cry with us, and siblings to do a little of everything.

so, i'm getting mushy, so i know i should go to bed. another day, another dollar....or something like that. signing out for now.

finished

So, another Wednesday that feels like it should be a Friday.
I have officially finished my first (and hardest) practicum for this year. And i must say that it feels very very good. But i will miss being at the hospital. some of my favorite times the last 6 weeks have been where i get to just sit with a patient or family member and talk about nothing in particular. i find that when we actually listen to people, the communication is a lot more meaningful. like the words of the old simon and garfunkel song that says "people talking without speaking, people hearing without listening". i challenge you to really listen to what people around you are saying, even if they don't say it out loud, we are always communicating. and when it is time to talk, make your words mean something.
a sad thing that happened to me today was just seeing a older gentleman come in and sit with his sick wife for a few hours. unfortunatly, she has dementia and alzheimer's and barely remembers him. even now, it hurts me to remember the way he looked at me and said "what a life, hey?". and i wondered if he was talking about his wife or himself. sometimes we just don't know where life is going to take us. those are the days when i am so grateful that someone else is more powerful and in control.
i also got to talk to my brother this morning. he is currently in ethiopia. i find that if i don't think about him, i don't miss him. unfortunaly, he has influenced my life so much, that it is hard to get away from all the things that remind me of him. but, he is doing well, and i believe that his is where he needs to be right now.

starting something new...again

so, i'm starting this page. not really sure if i'll actually write in it. but it seemed like an interesting thing to do, so i'll try it out.
it's snowing, which is what i'll blame my complete lack of creativity on...at least for now. today i woke up and realized that i live in a country where it is miserably cold for most of the year...or at least what feels like most of the year. my car stalled today and then decided not to start again. that made for an interesting morning. and i realized it is just the beginning of winter...and all of the challenges that it brings.
well, that's about it for now. i'm realizing how boring my life can actually be. if you are reading this and bored, i don't blame you. i'll try and write about cool stuff that happens, but hey, i can only do so much. and some of the things that i find interesting might put you to sleep. so keep checking this out, we'll see where life takes us. :)